I’m Fine (But Not Really): The Quiet Burnout No One Talks About

thetherapysphere
Jul 13
3 min read

Let’s start with the classic: “I’m fine.” It rolls off the tongue so easily, doesn’t it? Even when you’re clearly not.

I used to say it all the time. To friends. To coworkers. To myself. Especially to myself. And what’s worse, it didn’t feel like a lie. It felt like survival.

But eventually, "I'm fine" turned into:

Cancelling plans because I didn’t have the energy to be around people
Getting irritated at the smallest things
Lying awake at night feeling like I forgot something huge, but couldn’t figure out what

And here’s the thing that no one tells you: Burnout doesn’t always scream. Sometimes, it whispers in emotional numbness.

The Quiet Kind of Burnout

Not the hustle-porn, 80-hour workweek, "I-just-need-a-vacation" kind. I’m talking about emotional burnout, when the mental load of being okay for everyone else finally catches up.

You’re tired, not from doing too much, but from constantly holding yourself together.

It’s when:

Joy feels muted
Rest doesn’t feel restful
You get through the day, but you’re not really in it

This isn’t laziness. It’s not weakness. It’s the cost of constantly pretending you're okay.

So Why Don’t We Just Say We’re Not Fine?

Because we’ve been taught that being “fine” is what makes us strong, easy to be around, responsible, or successful. And in a world that rewards performance, “I’m fine” is often code for:

“I don’t want to be a burden”
“I don’t think you’ll get it”
“I don’t even know what I feel, so how can I explain it?”

But the longer you ignore that quiet discomfort, the louder it becomes. Until one day, you snap at someone you love. Or cry in the car. Or just… stop feeling anything at all.

What Helped Me Start Feeling Again

(And might help you, too)

This isn’t a list of 10 perfect tips to “fix” burnout. But here are a few honest shifts that helped me come back to myself:

I started telling the truth, but only to people who earned it. Not everyone deserves access to your hard stuff. But someone does. I started with one friend. I said, “I don’t have the energy to pretend today.” And that opened a door.
I stopped calling myself lazy. I was exhausted, not unmotivated. And I began to ask: What am I tired from emotionally? Not just physically.
I created moments of real rest. Not phone-scrolling. Not Netflix-binging. But sitting on the floor, staring out the window, or doodling with no purpose. When rest feels unsafe, your nervous system doesn’t reset. I had to relearn how to rest without guilt.
I said “no” even when it felt uncomfortable. That one word bought me hours of peace. It wasn’t easy at first. But it’s what gave me my life back, one boundary at a time.

You’re Allowed to Not Be Fine

If you’re tired of pretending, I want you to know this: You don’t have to wait for a full breakdown to start being honest with yourself. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is say: “Actually, I’m not fine. But I’m figuring it out.”

And that is enough.